She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
two words...techno handjob
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
