After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
