Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize