If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
