That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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