dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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