Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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