im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
