Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
