Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I party with great urgency now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
