dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My ass is underappreciated
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
