It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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