Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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