remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
