She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
