She said her name was "party"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
