she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
