He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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