cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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