im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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