He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize