Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
