Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
