At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize