She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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