i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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