get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
