I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
