Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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