OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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