i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
