"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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