Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
