He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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