Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
