didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he shaved USA in his pubs
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
