omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize