The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
