he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
