The maid of honor just puked.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
PANTIES FOUND
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