who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
