Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
