Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
