Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
