My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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