Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
