Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
