Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize