last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
