I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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