Cold hands, warm shart.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
