I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
