Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize