Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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