i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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