i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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