So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
