I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
