I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize