can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
