dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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