2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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