did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
