Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
