I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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