I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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