I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
