You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
