Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
