I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He shit in the fireplace
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize