he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
