she kept yelling 'call me bella'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
