i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
