dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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