At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
