i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
