I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
