He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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