Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
