I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
