btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
