Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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