you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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