Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
