brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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