haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
