Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You pole danced in your parka.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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