the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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