Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
