So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
