I just pynch a tree in the face
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
