How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just pee around me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
