Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think my moral compass just broke
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