Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
