She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
