It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
