My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I enjoy the company of your penis
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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