I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
