On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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