Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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