i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bring money and cleavage
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
