don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize