remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
