I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
