yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
