Can i not drive my cunt home
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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