just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
