i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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