I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
