CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
