i jhust puked up my retainher.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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